


Fade (Prelude)

by princelogical



Series: Queerplatonic Logince Verse [8]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Nonsexual Nudity, mild body horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 08:03:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14689898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princelogical/pseuds/princelogical
Summary: Logan feels his limbs shaking and he looks down. His heart comes to a stop- his skin is translucent, fading into mists that trail against the ceiling. Logan runs desperately to his door and wrenches at the knob to get someone’s attention to help him but the knob doesn’t budge. He pulls his hands back and goes to pound against the door but his fists shatter then evaporate. He opens his mouth to scream in desperation but his voice is smothered, raw, and choked- nothing but a garbled cry comes out.Deceit appears in the doorway, sneering. “He’s not in love. We’re not doomed, Logan. Thomas is gonna be justfine. You can convince him to change his mind. Things are gonna be okay-”or.Logan hates it when Thomas falls in love.





	Fade (Prelude)

“Is this okay?” Roman leans over from Logan’s bed and raises his drawing pad up to Logan’s eye level. Logan looks up from his laptop to glance at the sketch. It’s beautiful; two dogs, full of life and energy, even in the still picture, jumping around in a huge field. A human silhouette’s arm is raised, tossing a ball into the field.

“The person’s arm is set too low. Other than that, it looks satisfactory, Roman.”

Roman smiles and draws the pad back to himself and goes to erase a small section with the kneaded eraser he’d been fiddling with. “Thanks.”

“You are welcome.” Logan leans back against the back of his desk chair and re-reads the line of the text he’s been studying for the past half hour over again. He adjusts his glasses, leaning in closer, as if the words might suddenly make sense to him if he draws closer. A dull ache throbs behind his eyes and Logan pushes himself out from behind his desk and sighs deeply.

“Hey, you okay?” Roman asks, looking up. Logan nods. Roman shifts himself so he’s laying up at the top of Logan’s bed and opens his arms. “Come here.”

Logan pushes his chair into his desk and climbs into the bed, allowing Roman to close his arms around him. Logan turns so he’s down lower, eye-level to Roman’s chest so that Roman can continue his sketch. The gentle scratching of charcoal on paper lulls Logan’s eyes shut and he finds himself drifting off.

_It’s raining, water pounding against the windows in Thomas’ apartment when Logan awakens with an empty and sickly feeling in his stomach. His room is dark with a faint reddish hue that casts a disconcerting feeling over the room. He sluggishly sits up and his head spins so much that he flops right back down. The room spins in Logan’s eyes and he closes them until he finally gets the courage to try and get up again._

_Logan feels his limbs shaking and he looks down. His heart comes to a stop- his skin is translucent, fading into mists that trail against the ceiling. Logan runs desperately to his door and wrenches at the knob to get someone’s attention to help him but the knob doesn’t budge. He pulls his hands back and goes to pound against the door but his fists shatter then evaporate. He opens his mouth to scream in desperation but his voice is smothered, raw, and choked- nothing but a garbled cry comes out._

_Deceit appears in the doorway, sneering. “He’s not in love. We’re not doomed, Logan. Thomas is gonna be just **fine**. You can convince him to change his mind. Things are gonna be okay-”_

_Logan falls to his knees. They shatter and evaporate. His entire body is vanishing- Logic completely silenced in the face of a foe Logan is unsure the name of._

Logan jolts awake, his face against Roman’s bicep, which he had apparently been using as a pillow. Roman’s stopped drawing. The pad is set to the side, finished sketch of the dogs sitting a few inches from Logan’s face.

“You’re really sweaty,” Roman grumbles and shifts around until he’s close enough to press a soft kiss in Logan’s hair. Logan stares ahead at the wall, feeling his heart continue to beat rapidly and make its way back in his chest where it belongs. “You okay? You jerked up a little bit there.”

Logan nods against Roman’s arm and swallows, trying to melt away the irrational fear the dream has left him with. He shudders unintentionally as another image of himself fading into nothingness, no one noticing, no one _caring_ besides Deceit who just sat there, talking- flashes through his mind. He feels Roman shift the covers then pull them over Logan and press another light kiss in his hair and Logan wants to speak but there’s so much glue in his throat he thinks he won’t be able to for a very long time.

“Hey. _Hey_ -” Roman says, voice unbearably gentle and Logan realises he’s shaking, a few tears slipping down his face. “What’s the matter?”

Logan can’t talk and he wonders if his dream is coming true; if he’s finally insignificant enough that Thomas will be okay without him. He wonders if he’s silenced forever and somehow that’s horrifying because Logan likes to ramble; he likes to educate and to talk and-

He lets out a pathetic sob and tries to scoot away from Roman so perhaps all this stupid and illogical emotional mess he has caused won’t rub off on the one he cares the most about. Roman lets him, sitting up and frowning as Logan takes a deep breath and picks up his discarded glasses, shoving them messily on his face.

“Hey, Logan, what’s wrong?” Roman asks, pushing aside the covers and shuffling to the edge of the bed where he sits, legs dangling off the edge. Logan wishes the logic in his room would settle in and make him feel less like he’s evaporating into a mist. He doesn’t quite feel in his body, like it’s distorted and shifting away from his consciousness.

“I need… space,” Logan says.

“Of course,” Roman says with a frown. “Want me to leave or-”

“No, I don’t, I need…” Logan trails off and tugs at his hair. He wonders just how pathetic Roman must think he is right now.

_Logic’s all you’re good for. And you’re not even that good at that._

Roman stands and crosses his arms, staring at Logan in concern. “I’ll do whatever you want, okay?”

“Hit me,” Logan says.

Roman’s eyes widen. “Like _hell_. Why would I hurt you?”

“I’m fading,” Logan gasps. “I can’t feel anything.”

“You’re not fading.” Roman walks over and grabs at Logan’s upper arms and his grip is tight, secure, and Logan can actually feel it, thank goodness. “Logan?”

“Yes?”

“You’re here; your form is about as solid as it gets, okay? You’re not fading.”

“I am not fading.”

“No, you’re not.”

Logan nods and he hates the slow return to physical awareness because his hair is sweaty and gross, plastered on his forehead. His shirt is sticky with sweat and clings to him uncomfortably. Roman stares at him looking troubled and Logan clears his throat.

“I apologise for scaring you.”

“You’re Gucci.” Roman smiles but the worry is still there in his eyes and Logan wishes he could rewind the past few minutes and make himself just remain laying down so he didn’t worry Roman.

“I am… going to shower, if that’s all right.”

“You don’t need _permission_ ,” Roman says.

“I’m fully aware,” Logan says with a scowl and Roman actually has the audacity to laugh at his annoyance.

“After, do you wanna talk?” Roman asks.

Logan considers it and frowns. No. No, he really doesn’t want to talk about it. Not at all. Because it’s weak and silly and illogical. Even if Roman won’t judge, he still feels cautious because Roman just _might_ laugh and that, above all, would likely hurt.

“I just want to shower,” Logan says and it’s better than coming up with an on-the-spot answer that might not be the same when he gets out.

“Okay.”

“Would you like to join me?” Logan blurts and Roman blinks, eyes comically wide as if he hadn’t quite heard him right.

“Pardon?”

“Oh please,” Logan laughs and suddenly there’s tears in his eyes and Roman looks panicked again, “do not be so pretentious.”

“And you’re not?” Roman asks and Logan realises, to his horror, that Roman sounds choked too.

“I don’t want to… disappear in the shower,” Logan chokes out. “I apologise. I understand it’s weird. I just don’t want to fade without you.”

Roman rolls his eyes but he’s slinging an arm around Logan and they’re walking in-step together to the bathroom. “You’re not gonna fade. But I’ll come with you anyway.”

“You’re not… put-off by it?”

“I’m more put-off and unsettled by the fact you think you’re going to _fade_ than I am by the idea of showering with you,” Roman admits as he kicks his shoes off and pulls off his shirt, tossing it a corner. Logan raises and eyebrow and with a sigh, Roman grabs the shirt and hangs it on the bathroom door. “What makes you think you’re gonna fade?”

“Nothing in particular,” Logan says, slipping off his necktie. He avoids Roman’s gaze. “I suppose it was residual fear from my dream.”

“Residual fear, huh?”

The guilt gnaws at Logan’s stomach. “Perhaps.”

“It doesn’t… have _anything_ , anything at all to do with Thomas’ last relationship?”

Logan feels the breath catch in his throat and he forces his heart to still, pulling off his shirt with trembling fingers. “No.”

“That was pretty traumatic for you. For all of us.”

“Dwelling on trauma is illogical.”

“I thought you’d outgrown ignoring your feelings like that in the name of logic,” Roman says. “It appears I was wrong.”

Logan falls silent and sits down on the closed toilet, loosening his shoes and slipping them off. They clatter on the floor, too loud.

“You don’t have to stay with me,” Logan says finally. “I think I’m fine now.”

Roman leans against the wall and slides down until he’s sitting on the floor, knees drawn in front of his chest, peering at Logan with an unreadable expression on his face. “I’m okay to stay.”

They sit in silence and don’t move. Logan takes a deep breath. “When Thomas falls in love, I’m muffled. I start to fade.”

“Yes,” Roman says, honest and open.

“And last time…” Logan trails off and takes another deep breath. “I faded completely for a little bit.”

“That was before Thomas began trying to listen to us all more and become more in-tune with himself,” Roman notes.

“You can tell when Thomas is falling in love again.”

Roman nods solemnly.

“Is he… in love?”

“It appears he is, Logan.”

Logan takes a shuddering breath and pulls off his glasses, folding them closed and places them on the sink.

“It’s not gonna be like last time, I promise,” Roman says.

“You cannot promise that.”

“I’m going to anyway.” Roman grasps Logan’s hands and smiles up at him gently. “We’re gonna be okay.”

Logan doesn’t quite believe him. But he tries.

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve fought with this piece so much over the past two months. My grammar check extension broke so I had to go over all of the grammar myself. I hope I caught all of my mistakes. If not, I will not be offended if you let me know. 
> 
> This is a prelude to a bigger fic. When will I write that bigger fic? *hysterical laughter* God, I wish I knew. :P


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